Disappointment
Today is my birthday, the one thing I wished for was to see Tina today. We had a lunch date planned, but at the last minute a work-related thing came up for her. I guess I didn’t blow out the candle right or something.
Not Now, Not Ever
Today was our next lunch date. I have been thinking things through for a few weeks, and decided I would play off the previous Plan C. If you recall, as we searched for a resturant that was no longer where it used to be, we happened upon a row of motels, and I had joked (or tested the waters?) about taking a motel room as our Plan C if we couldn’t find a resturant.
Those particular motels were likely sleezy, so I actually did some research to find a place we could actually go if the miracle would actually happen. I had cash in my pocket so there would be no credit card history, and I had my plan on how to introduce the option without getting into too much trouble if it didn’t fly.
Basically, it went like this: Since two month’s ago we talked about waffles for lunch, and last month we did that very thing, I reckoned that since last month we talked about taking a room at a motel, we ought to do so this month.
Of course she didn’t agree – how could I have even thought or hoped there was even a chance? I guess that’s what smitten is all about. Fortunately, she didn’t take it for anything more than kidding around (wasn’t kidding, but I didn’t ‘fess up to that!). She responded something to the effect that it would never happen, she already had a husband and didn’t need two of us.
We had a delightful lunch, which was a relief since I was worried that she’d get upset (I was already counting on a definate “no”). Still, I would have been thrilled if it would have come out a different way. But of course, it never will – not now, not ever.
Dream On!
Speaking of dreaming, I normally don’t remember dreams. However, last night I dreamt of Tina.
She’s out of town this week on business. In many ways I wish I could be there as well, of course mostly because I became smitten with Tina on our first business trip together.
I dreamt that I flew out to see her, to surprise her. I somehow was able to get into her hotel room before she finished the day’s work schedule. She was a bit surprised, but also pleased. I drew her to me, and kissed her deeply. We collapsed on the bed and started making out like a couple of teenagers. Things looked like they might be getting interesting. Next thing I remember, my wife was standing there. I woke up about then, I apparently didn’t really want to see what happened next.
I’m wondering how to get into the right frame of mind so I can repeat the dream, but view the alternate ending. Its worth a try – dream on!
Plan C
Last month at lunch we ended up at a little cafe that served breakfast throughout the day. Tina mused that she should order waffles, since they were her favorite. So this month I decided to chance deviating from our little game of going to new places every month, and headed for the pancake house.
It turned out that where I was sure the restaurant should be (yes, I did look it up on the web to be sure), there was a vacant lot and some condos under construction! So I said we’d have to go to plan B (I still hadn’t told her what plan A was yet). She asked what plan B would be, and at the boulevard turn (legal u-turn area) there happened to be several motel – one had a big sale on “adult toys”. I said something to the effect of not knowing exactly what plan B would be, but pointed out the sign and suggested taht plan C could be to get a motel room instead!
I can’t recall the exact words whe used, but as I’ve written, I sometimes hear something different than what she actually says anyways. It was neither an admonishment nor an eagerness, so I think it was just going along with the joke.
I wasn’t prepared to actually carry something out right then and there, for several reasons. I’m not sure how it would have gone over for one thing, and for another I didn’t have that kind of cash, and certainly wouldn’t want a mid-day motel bill to show up on my credit card statement!
So we went to a nearby restaurant, I’m pretty sure she’d been there before. Fortunately they had a special on strawberry waffles! So I was able to accomplish what I’d set out to do, to please her by taking her out for waffles.
Still, I wish I had the courage to try plan C. I don’t know if that would also please her, but I can dream!
Maybe next time
I try to take Tina out to lunch once a month. It has turned into a bit of a game, I try to take her to a restaurant in the area she hasn’t been to yet. So far, it continues to work out. Lately, it has also turned into taking her in a different vehicle as well. My truck has been getting borrowed a lot, and so I swap vehicles. Last month when we went out to lunch, I picked her up in a Lincoln MKS – nice car!
When I IM’ed her to make sure we were still on for our lunch date, she asked if I was going to pick her up on my son’s new motorcycle – and to remember to bring an extra helmet. However, I had already traded vehicles and was driving a Mustang, which is what I picked her up in.
I noticed right away that she had cut her hair. I’m not sure she was entirely pleased with the result, but I told her she looks hot no matter how her hair is done. I’m sure she appreciated the compliment (note the reference to “hot” in a previous post), and simply stated that’s what her husband thinks as well. We all know her husband is one lucky guy – he knows it, she knows it, and I certainly know it. She had also just gotten back from a week in Florida, but this time didn’t show me her tan line (another previous post).
We had a nice lunch, good conversation, we even talked a bit about the motorcycle ride. She seems to like being the passenger on a bike, and I thought to myself that I may have missed out at having her arms wrapped around me by taking the Mustang.
Maybe next time.
You know I do
A few weeks ago I stopped by Tina’s desk. I knew she was frustrated by some bureaucracy in the department, and I was struggling with some myself. But of course the real reason I stopped by was I hadn’t seen her is a while, as one of our lunch dates had to be cancelled a few weeks before. So we chatted, and then it was time for me to go off to a meeting. I mentioned that I just really wanted to drop in and see her, and she responded “you really do love me”. I think I actually got to say “yes, I do”, but I’m sure it came out in a way that revealed my true feelings.
Still, however she wants to read it, she knows I do.
Run away with me
Catching up on some things, this was actually over a month ago. Tina and I were signed up to go to a lunch event downtown. Of course I offered to drive – I love to drive anyways, and having Tina in the seat beside me is always a bonus. As we approached the freeway interchange, I almost got in the wrong lane. I quipped that perhaps we should just stay in the lane and take a quick trip to Chicago. She responded favorably (it’s been long enough that I can’t recall the exact phrase – and based on a previous post, you know I might not have remembered it right anyways). Of course, she was probably kidding around, and I mentioned that our spouses might not be thrilled to find we were in another state at dinner time.
But I must confess, the list of restaurants and hotels we could go to were indeed running in my mind. It would have been fun.
The Valentine’s Card
Well I did buy the valentine’s card. But, like my last post, there was a tad bit of misreading involved. When I bought the card, it actually said “somebody loves you”, not “you are loved”. A subtle difference, and I thought it was close enough. Apparently it was close enough to cause a bit of confusion!
Next step was to carefully use the computer printer to put “Tina” on the envelope, and “Your Secret Admirer” as the signature in the card. Then, a late afternoon visit to her building to set the card at her desk thursday night, so she would not know who it was from.
Friday, we went to lunch. I was so busy all morning that the break was good, but I was a bit distracted and didn’t ask her about the card. She didn’t mention it either, so I was pretty sure she didn’t think it was from me.
Later in the afternoon, when work had calmed down a bit, I decided to reveal myself as the sender. In retrospect, using IM in this case was probably the safest thing – I would have probably really screwed up if I would have done it face to face at lunch. So I checked in with her via IM, apologized for being distracted and told her I really enjoyed our lunch. She returned the nicety – “well I was VERY enjoyable … thank you!” is what she wrote. Playing on those words, I flirted – “yes, you always are enjoyable…”, which met with the IM version of silence. I’m not sure if she was mad I played on the mis-typing, or didn’t like the insinuation, or what.
So after a few minutes, I message again, asking if the v card cheered her up at all. I won’t give the whole play-by-play of the conversation, but there are some interesting tidbits. She had no idea it was from me, was flattered, even gushed a bit. I mentioned I liked giving her a few bright points of life in a hectic work environment. She admonished me that it wasn’t my job, friend or not, then gushed a bit again with accolades such as “thank you” and ”your too thoughtful”.
I made the excuse that I decided to tell her so she didn’t think it was a stalker or something. Apparently she assumed it was another co-worker, and the intent was to remind her about her husband. She explained a bit, then reiterated how it was a good thing I came clean, in part because she now knows it was completely for her, and not a “reminder”. She then had to step out of her office, and sent one last THANK YOU in caps (she loves using selective capitalization), and punctuated with a red heart icon. This was the best response I could have hoped for – of course, I’m sure I’m mis-reading it, which is why I was glad it was via IM and not face-to-face. Although, the fantasy side of being smitten wonders what might have happened…
Apparently Tina really did feel good about the whole thing, or at least wanted to find a way to return the favor. Later that evening I received some Heart Beads via Facebook from her! I sent back some Jester (I didn’t want hubby to get upset), then she went offline pretty quick. I know her husband doesn’t really like the social tools, so she doesn’t usually log onto Facebook from home. It makes me feel that much more special, getting the heart beads and secretly hoping she had logged on just to do that for me.
Misreading
I’m really no better at reading women than I was in high school. We had IM’ed about her being at home on her day off on the day I was to give a big presentation to top management. She said she would think about me while sipping coffee at home at the time I was scheduled to speak.
I of course checked in with her the day after. When I asked if she thought about me or forgot completely, she responded “forgot completely!”. So I made a wise crack about knowing where I stood, then changed the subject to work related things. I sent several messages with no response. I wasn’t sure if that meant she suddenly got busy, someone walked up, or she wanted to avoid me. My last IM asked her to IM me later when she could.
I heard nothing, so again, must have forgot completely. I decided toward the end of the day to IM her again. We discussed some recent departures at work, glad we were still employed but sad for those we knew that lost their jobs. I changed the subject to try and finish on an upbeat topic, and asked if she went to a super bowl party. They aren’t big sports fans, and didn’t have plans. I quickly invited her/them to our party, expecting a polite “no” since they live quite far to drive for something like that. To my surprise, she asked a few more questions, like if it was adult only or if children are welcome as well (which they are).
Tina was interested but hesitant, so I decided to encourage her and flirt some at the same time. I told her all my friends would think she was HOT. Now here’s where the mis-reading gets interesting (remember, this is an IM session). I read: “flattery will get you EVERYWHERE!”. Apparently I imagined that’s what she said. I saved the IM transcript to write this blog entry later. Here’s what she really said: “flattery will ALWAYS make me feel better”.
Obviously I am the victim of my own infatuation. In the morning, I think I’ve done something horribly wrong and turned her off. In the afternoon, I think I’ve scored a bigger hit than I have. Such is the life of the one who is smitten.
Do I tell her?
I was browsing the Valentine section of the greeting card isle. I looked at several cards, humerous, flowery, lame. A rather simple one caught my eye, and I opened it to see what the inside greeting said. It was a simple 3 words – “you are loved”.
Wow. I wasn’t specifically looking for a card for Tina, but considering the other day, this one started an ongoing chain of thoughts in my head. I know all the advice about all variants of office romance, especially for married folk. I know any reasonable person would not want to cause hurt, or disrupt a family, or create an office scandal, or any of the risks associated with this type of thing.
I have, from time to time, thought about “if” I would ever tell her, “what” I might tell her if I did, and “when” that might happen. Since any chance of an extra-curricular romance is very remote, what would be my motivation? I guess it would be to see if she ever had the same feelings back toward me, but then, what would I do with that knowledge? I know what my fantasy is, but thats quite a bit different than expectations, probably even different from hopes.
With Valentines day coming up, I even thought about a few clever ways I might use that with a “secret admirer” approach. For example, I flirted with the idea of giving her 7 roses anonomously. If you look up the meaning of the number of roses, you will find that 7 means infactuated (closest to smitten I could come up with). However, that could create quite a problem for her in the office, and I certainly wouldn’t send them to her house. I thought about an email from a special untraceable account.
Then this valentine card jumped out at me, so I am toying with that. After all, it could meet the objective of testing any reciprocol feelings. After all, if “you are loved” is a common saying of hers, she might not (probably won’t) guess who sent her the card. On the other hand, if it isn’t common for her, and the other day was actually a bit of a revaling of her feelings, she’d know exactly who it was, and might say something (hopefully encouraging).
So what do you think – do I tell her?
